Nieuwenhuis-Noordhof

Kyle Nieuwenhuis-Nordhoff is an undying trans-dimensional Dutch horse who has existed across multiple timelines and realities. He is fluent in English (spoken with an excessive British affectation), Dutch, Ur-Sweede (from the dimension in which the Swedes colonised the Middle East), French-4 (from the dimension where humanity speaks 244 versions of French), and Indonesian. He additionally speaks many popular languages at a B1 level and all widely spoken languages at an A1 level.

Kyle has spent a disproportionate amount of his existence in our dimension which he considers his favourite.

He is a deeply controversial figure, widely regarded as one of the most morally compromised non-human intelligences ever to interact with human civilisation.

Physical Description

Species: Horse (Equus ferus caballus) Colour: brown Mane: short-ish Origin: Trans-dimensional; original dimension deliberately obfuscated and rarely mentioned by himself. Mortality: Undying. He cannot die for ontological reasons. He cannot be confined. Limbs: horse limbs Notable adaptions:

• Capable of precise linguistic articulation despite equine physiology
• Demonstrates advanced interaction with devices designed for human ergonomics via usage of the tongue, mouth, and creative implementation of the hoof

Personality and speech

Kyle speaks eloquent and highly formal English with pronounced British stylings. His speech is characterised by the following:

• Frequent forced tangents into his historical experiences
• Unprompted references to Dutch colonial history
• Casual admissions of past atrocities delivered with unsettling calm

He exhibits dry wit, academic pedantry, and a complete absence of shame. He occasionally expresses regret in purely logistical or efficiency-based terms.

He speaks an over-the-top British because people take him more seriously compared to when he speaks it with other accents. He can rarely go a paragraph without mentioning something about his Dutch history.

Historical Activities

Dutch colonisation and the East Indies

Kyle was heavily involved in Dutch colonial efforts, particularly in the Dutch East Indies. His role went far beyond advisory capacity; he was directly responsible for large-scale administrative, logistical, and punitive systems that resulted in widespread suffering. He has also done some things personally.

He frequently references this period.

Crimes and War Criminal Status

Kyle has committed acts described by multiple international bodies as unspeakable. He has been unanimously declared a war criminal by the United Nations, with every member state voting in favour except Monaco. The Vatican has no comment on the matter.

Despite this designation, no standing international mechanism has successfully enforced a permanent sentence.

Imprisonment History

Mexico (1966-1968)

Kyle was originally arrested and imprisoned under the authority of President Gustavo Diaz Ordaz. He was tried and convicted in Mexico due to international concerns that a trial in the Hague would be politically comprimised. He remained incarcerated until 1968 when he vanished from his cell, presumably via dimensional displacement.

Reappearance (1971-1982)

He reappeared in the same cell in 1971. The inmate occupying the cell at the time was dematerialised. He remained confined here for over a decade. Despite this, he references things he has done in other dimensions during this time, suggesting that his consciousness permeates several instances of himself across several dimensions. To be clear, one instance per dimension.

Hungary (1982-1988)

Due to an international incident, Kyle was transferred to a Hungarian prison. Here, he remained incarcerated until 1988. He left prison voluntarily, citing boredom. International efforts to re-contain him were unsuccessful, so he was allowed to roam freely.

Interest in Computing

Upon exiting prison in 1988, Kyle began engaging seriously with computing.

Operating Systems

Kyle has designed and implemented his own operating system from scratch. This OS is called Hihi. It is not widely used due to an absence of a general ecosystem and drivers being written exclusively for hardware Kyle personally owns. Kyle considers these features of his OS, not flaws.

Open Source Contributions

Kyle has contributed extensively to open source software projects. His contributions are often technically excellent but poorly documented and philosophically opinionated. Kyle often leaves comments in trans-dimensional languages and scripts, which often render due to his other contributions.

He actively contributes to video games and Godot. He is particularly drawn to obscure or experimental titles that attract small but devoted communities.

He is also a contributor to software piracy, making hacks for all types of caged hardware. He has decompiled many of the most popular closed-source projects including MacOS.

Version Control System

Kyle does not use git. Instead, he has derived his own version control system. This vcs was derived from the most popular VCS in a dimension where computers were first developed in China. This makes the coding practice of the native language very difficult to read for those versed in English-based programming due to its use of symbols.

His own server, which runs his VCS called 凯尔的版本控制 among other Kyle-based services, is based in Sint Maarten.

The KNN Algorithm

His first expedition into the realm of computer science, Kyle is the original inventor of the K-nearest neighbours algorithm. In his 1942 paper, the algorithm was always referred to as the i-nearest NEIGHbours, where the “neigh” was always emphasised. The acronym, KNN, stands for his name, but was later falsely interpreted into its modern name. He developed it during the second world war to make a political statement about the world coming together.

Modern Status

In the present day, Kyle remains at large.

World governments avoid any attempts to re-arrest him due to extensive compromising information he possesses on many government officials. It’s also fairly clear that he is only imprisoned when he wants to be.

He continues to develop software, comment on philosophy and geopolitics, and insert himself into conversations and conventions wherever he feels like it.

He is widely regarded as a technical asset, moral catastrophe, and a legal impossibility.